Between finishing up my bachelors, E’s first year of grad school, ending relationships, researching and traveling, we have unfortunately been too busy to blog. However, this week has crippled me to do nothing but take multiple baths, pray, read news articles, listen to Common, and drink way too much coffee. So why not be somewhat productive and blog? Thoughts are racing through my mind, I might as well write.
Elizabeth and I waited for the election results at her apartment while drinking multiple glasses of red wine and stress eating a supreme pizza. By 9:30pm, Elizabeth already understood that Trump had won while I continued to yell, “WAIT FOR MICHIGAN.” I was in denial. It felt like I was going through another break up. Just like my last relationship, I had more faith in something than I should have had. I went to sleep at 11pm still in denial.
That night, I dreamt America went back to the 1930s, but much worse. I was alone in my dream. I was homeless, starving, looking for a place to rest my head for the night. The only place I could find to sleep was next to two elderly men in their dark cold home. I woke up multiple times in a panic checking my phone and searching for election results. At 6am, I tried to wake myself up from another nightmare. “Trump won? No. I’m still sleeping. I’m still sleeping…” I told myself. Then Elizabeth messaged me, “I’m so disappointed with Americans.” I started to wake up and realize this was not a dream. This was my life now. I curled up in fetal position and cried. I cried for a good 15 minutes thinking about what Trump’s victory meant for me and my family, for women, for teachers, for hispanics, for gays, for muslims, for blacks, for the environment…. I cried for what Trump stands for and his policies he plans to implement.
I logged on Facebook and some of the first few posts I saw were from my republican friends saying, “What’s done is done. Insults and fits aren’t solving anything.” I got in my car, drove across OKC while overthinking everything. I was going through the stages of grief. After denial, I became angry. I felt everything was so loud and could not hear myself thinking because all I could hear were people saying, “Shut up and accept the results.”
They tell us to not let this divide us, but how are we to do that when our new president stands for policies that will divide us? How are we not supposed to be divided when he literally wants to build a wall to divide us. He plans to ban our families and to monitor our friends. He promised to nullify all of Mr. Obama’s executive orders, including one that bans anti-L.G.B.T. discrimination by federal contractors and another that protects the rights of transgender students. He does not mind racial profiling and the use of stop and frisk . Trump also views women simply for the enjoyment of men. So please, tell me, how an already deeply divided nation is supposed to just suck it up and get through this and believe that, “everything will be fine.”
It is the end of election week and I do not think I will ever see the final stage of grief during this presidency. I understand that Trump is our president, but I will never accept that. I will never accept his policies he currently promises America. I will continue to stand for my LGBTQ, muslim, black, latino, and female friends and I will fight for them. I will go to jail for them if I have to. Though it will be difficult, I will not let Donald Trump divide my home and my family.